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Title: Absent
Author: MistressKitty [formerly Emma Jane]
Pairing: T/L
Summary: Liz is gone but still watches over Tess. Future AU.
Disclaimer: I am Jason Katims pretending to be a girl, and writing fan fiction because the other producers of my show won't
let me take it in this direction. Of course Roswell is mine Oh- but the Lyrics for "Absent" belong to Neve, the song was written
by John Stephens, and Michael Raphael.
*+*
There she goes
And she's right on track.
She said for now I can't be here,
But I'm coming back.
*+*
I watched her as she loaded the final boxes into her car and locked the door to the apartment. Silent tears ran down her
cheeks and they glistened in the sunlight. She thought she could run- that running would help. I knew better. I had tried
running once.
*+*
And she knows
In the same old sky,
That I'll b up within the clouds
Making sure she's fine.
*+*
I will stay with her now, since I couldn't before. I will watch her, and be the best guardian angel I can be. Although,
I'm not sure angel is the right word. I think she knows I'm always with her- that I will always love her.
*+*
And I don't want to be alone.
You know I come from a broken home-
I just can't do without it.
*+*
I stop the car, unable to drive any further. The tears erupt and cascade down my face and I sob. My whole body is shaking
as I lean my heard on the steering wheel. I keep telling myself I can't stay there- everywhere there are things to remind
me of her. A whiff of her old perfume, or the scent in the kitchen still lingering from her amazing casserole will set me
to tears.
*+*
Here I go, hear me call out after you
Bouncing off the satellites,
A few broken words to get me through this.
Letting out what I'm always holding in,
Gone away but I'm coming back again.
Only you can get me through this.
*+*
I can't help how much I love her, even now. I need her to be here with me, but I can't grasp onto my memories of her tight
enough. They are starting to slip away. Already her face in my mind is getting hazy, and I only think I remember the way her
hair felt under my hands. I need her back here, but I can't have her (now or ever) and so I run- trying to escape my need.
*+*
Things may change,
And I'll take the blame.
But what I am to you,
Will remain the same.
*+*
She's crying now, and I wish I could brush her tears away. I would take her in my arms and whisper that everything is
going to be all right. That I'll always love her, and she'll always love me. And we'll never be apart unless we choose to
be. I'd tell her is I could… but I can't.
*+*
A fair exchange,
When there's nothing clear,
To take so many things,
That I can't be near.
*+*
I can't ask her to remember me. That wouldn't be fair. I want her to enjoy life, and it's not right for me to still claim
her when I could never really have her again in this life.
*+*
And I don't want to be alone
You know I come from a broken home
I just can't do without it.
*+*
I never wanted to be left here. I always though that I'd be the first to go- not her. She was always so full of life, and
I never even though that there was a spark of death in her. I miss her.
*+*
Here I go, hear me call out after you
Bouncing off the satellites,
A few broken words to get me through this.
Letting out what I'm always holding in,
Gone away but I'm coming back again.
Only you can get me through this.
*+*
I cry out to her, praying that she can hear me. Praying that she'll know how much pain she's caused me. How much I want her
back… how much I wish I had gotten home soon enough to save her. It's my fault she's gone, and it's my fault I feel
this way. I got too close, fell in love, and now there's this gaping hole inside of me that I can't fill. No matter how hard
I try.
*+*
I wake up in your arms.
I know inside it's true,
Darling to those things you choose.
*+*
I feel your breath on my cheek and your arms wrapped around me and I know it must be a dream. But then you kiss me, and whisper
"I love you," and I know you're really here.
*+*
I wake up all alone,
I know inside I'm home.
But I know it's better,
Waiting for so long.
*+*
My arms are strangely empty in the morning. I lie in our bed, and realize that I never could have left. I treasure us too
much. I suppose that fate has had it's hand in things, and that it's all supposed to work out this way- me alone, and you
watching over me. (Oh I know you are- I hope you are).
*+*
There she goes,
And she's right on track.
I know for now I can't be here.
*+*
I feel gutted to know that I did this to her. That my selfishness caused her pain. I only thought of myself, and not the
one I cared most about. She will live, and she will go on living. My tears will fall to the earth as rain, because I want
her with me, but I could never take life away from her.
*+*
Here I go, hear me call out after you
Bouncing off the satellites,
A few broken words to get me through this.
Letting out what I'm always holding in,
Gone away but I'm coming back again.
Only you can get me through this.
*+*
There she goes.
*+*
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