Title: Lost Without You
Author: MistressKitty cookingwithedna@hotmail.com [previously known as Josephine]
Summary: Takes place after "Max In the City"
Pairing: Liz and Max.
Disclaimer: The title I gleaned from a line of a song by Michael W. Smith, the lyrics are from "Everything" by Lifehouse off of their "No Name Face" CD. The characters don't belong to me; they are the property of Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, and assorted personnel at the WB.

=
Find me here speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
=
I am lonely and so all alone, and all I desire is to have you here. I miss you and I pine for you. And did I mention I miss you? You are far from me, and there is no way for me to reach you except for this feeling within me that you will find me here and make me know that it's all going to be alright. That you love me, and that-
=
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
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I feel as though I am drowning without you here to guide me. How can I find peace within my own tortured soul without first seeking forgiveness from you? I keep telling myself that you will understand, that you will not become angered. Because I couldn't bear that.
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You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
=
I can't imagine life without you here with me, guiding me, helping me though. You are the one thing in my life worth living for- you're everything. I feel as though you could guide me through dances in the wind, or you could be the one to keep me grounded.
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And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you?
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You came… You came to me, and it's so good to see your face again. You almost bring tears to my eyes as I try to hide my lie. I don't want to lie to you; I don't want to hurt you. I just don't know what would happen if I ever told you the truth. I don't want to end the world- it would be the end of the world if you ever left me again.
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Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
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This seems all so perfect. You and I are soul mates- how could anything ever come between us?
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You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fold
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You are always the one to protect me from harm, and protect others from me. Sometimes I want you to protect me from myself. If you were here all the time, I would not feel so lost.
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You still my heart when you take my breath away
Would you take me in?
Take me deeper now
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It amazes me sometimes that you would choose me, Liz Parker, as yours. It amazes me how must I need you, how much I would be missing out on if you *hadn't* chosen me. You are so close, and yet you're still so far away. I want you to take me with you to the place where you are.
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And how can I stand here
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
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As we dance on the wind together, I have never been happier in my life. The two of us are the most content in the universe. Up here there are no destinies, no wars. Just perfection.
=
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything… everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything… everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything… everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
=
You lead me into the place in my heart where I struggle to resist the urge to tell you, tell you everything. But you *are* everything. The air holds a scent of confusion and I lose myself in your eyes.
=
Everything... everything
=


Title: And Yet My Infatuation Grows
Author: MistressKitty [formerly known as Josephine]
Email: cookingwithedna@hotmail.com
Summary: Liz's journal, she does some thinking
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Roswell, or anything affiliated with it, except for the several dozen pictures, and books I bought. So, please don't sue. :)

I'm Liz Parker, and lately I've been thinking a lot about Max Evans.

Anyone might pass him in the halls at school and be somewhat affected by his body, face and expression. But, the Max Evans I know runs a lot deeper than that. I know almost every little thing about him, and what he doesn't tell me, I find in his eyes, the true windows to his soul. I know a lot about him, maybe even more than I know about myself. I know that he has loved me since he first laid eyes on my in third grade.

I know his biggest, most life-threatening secret- that he is not-of-this-earth, an alien. I know that when he healed me that day at the Crashdown, he was risking everything- for me. I know his fear of not having an answer, his fear of losing control, losing himself, his friends and me. I know he loves Cherry Coke with tobasco sauce.

But most of all, I know he loves me. I know this by the way he touches me, and looks into my eyes, and wants to protect me more than his own life. I know he loved me when he told me we had to take a step back- for my protection and safety. I know he loves me by the forlorn, pining glances he sends my way, constantly struggling to be "just friends". Constantly trying, as I have, and suffering, taking all his strength not to give in, touch me, kiss me and make it all alright. I know every quirk and mannerism about him, and yet my infatuation grows. I know he's an alien. And I know I love him.

I'm Liz Parker, and I'll be thinking about Max Evans for the rest of my life.


Title: Hold My Hand
Author: MistressKitty [formerly Josephine]
Email: cookingwithedna@hotmail.com
Category: Max/Liz
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Jason Katims and the WB

Part One
Max hadn't seen Liz at school for two days, and he was worried about her. Therefore, he found himself walking towards her house and climbing up to her balcony. It was late evening, already getting dark.

His head reached the ledge, and he took a quick look around. Liz sat on a large chair, motionless, her body covered in a thick blanket, though it wasn't cold. She didn't even look toward him, or make it known that she had seen him as he climbed the last few feet and hopped onto the balcony.

"Liz?" he whispered, not wanting to disturb her.

She jumped and looked at him, eyes wide. "Oh," she sighed, relieved. "I thought you were... someone else."

"Oh, alright. May I sit down?"

"Go ahead." Liz looked almost nervous.

"I've missed you at school, have you been sick?" She didn't look sick, at least to him.

"No... I suppose I shouldn't tell you this, but, we were robbed. Someone broke into The Crashdown and took all the money in the register. Also some dishes and things but they weren't really valueable." She paused. "I'm rambling on, aren't I?"

"Not really, so... do you know who broke in?"

She shook her head. "The police are doing work, but, I don't really trust the police anymore."

"I know what you mean. I guess it really bothered you... I felt really weird when my house got broken into."

"I'm really scared, I mean, if they can do it once, they can do it again, right? What if I see them, and they like, shoot me or something?" Liz's eyes were wide, and she was talking fast, a sure sign of distress.

"You could stay at my house... I could get Isabel to have you sleep over."

"Are you sure she wouldn't mind?"

"We'll work something out."

Part Two
"Izzy?" Max asked as he stepped into her room.

"What, Max?" She looked at him, obviously annoyed.

"I really don't know how to ask you this, it will be awkward anyway, so I guess I should just go right out and say it. Can you ask Mom it Liz can sleep over with you?"

"Okay, I'm trying really hard not to read between the lines on this, but I feel that I am at least entitled to an explanation."

"Liz doesn't feel safe at home, her family was robbed."

"Okay, alright. I'll ask Mom."

"Thanks, Iz."

Part Three The door quietly opened. Max eyed it warily. Liz's head apeared, and she whispered, "Max?" Her eyes were huge in the moonlight coming through Max's window. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." he got out of bed and unrolled the sleeping bag usually reserved for Michael. "Make yourself comfortable." He tried not to make it too obvious that he thought her very attractive. He wanted to protect her, and have her not fear anymore.

She got into the sleeping bag, and pulled it up to her chin. She looked like an angel, Max thought as he stared down at her from his bed. He wasn't tired in the least.

"Max, I know it sounds silly, but I still feel scared. I know, that whoever the robber is, he just wants the money, but my heart just won't let believe it."

"Is there anything can do?"

"Just hold my hand, Max." She turned to him, her eyes wide. "Thank you for letting me stay here."

"Believe me, it's my pleasure. Now, sleep."

She nodded, her eyes already closed. Max still held her hand and gazed down at her long after she had drifted off. He wondered how he'd stumbled into her life. Their two worlds were so different, and yet they were still somehow, meant to be together. Max felt it in his heart. Being careful not to wake his angel, he kissed her forehead. Her hand inside his hand, it just felt right.

THE END

Annabella's Song by MistressKitty [formerly Josephine]
Disclaimer: Roswell is not mine. Lyrics belong to Everclear.

I see you roll your eyes
You know it makes me smile
You are like the sun to me
All bright as liquid fire
I feel so powerless
To hold you up above the world
You a re quite a lot of trouble
For such a skinny little girl
You know I'm never home
I'm always miles and miles away
I feel I'm running out of time
To say the things I need to say
I call you on the telephone
You will not talk to me
Yes, you just don't understand
You are my everything
Anna Anna
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
Anna Anna
You are never alone
You are never alone
I like to watch you play
When you don't know I'm there
I see you in your sleep at night
Reach out an touch your hair
I want to make this world
Be just how you want it to be
Yeah, you just don't understand
You are my everything
Anna Anna
Tell me what you want
Baby tell me what you need
Anna Anna
You are never alone
Anna
You are never alone
~
I had insisted on the hour long commute to the hospital so Liz, and Anna could stay close to Maria's house. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and pictured my four year only daughter, her huge chocolate brown eyes peering up at me from under thick lashes and brown bangs, her hair in pigtails. She had been acting out for me lately, having fits and such when I was home. I was away most days until seven, only an hour before Anna had to go to bed, and I felt usually without seeing her in the morning. Liz tried to tell me that it was just a phase our Annabella was goring through, that Jake and Greg had done the same thing for Michael when He had a big job.

There was a burning feeling behind my eyes, no, not Michael on the way to work. You're setting your self up for a bad day, I told myself, but my mind still drifted to him. hit by a car earlier this year, of all the danger was had been through, and Michael had been hit by a car. Maria cried for a week straight, Liz lived at her house while I took off work and watched Jake, Greg and Anna. The boys were five and six and Jake didn't really understand, he kept asking when daddy was coming home. I had to tell him daddy was never coming home while trying to hold back my own tears.

So now I'm stuck in traffic, praying that I will have more time here, more time with Anna, and Liz. I see the depression that Maria has fallen into, and I don't want Liz to suffer like that.

Liz does research for the local science journal. It's not exactly what she hoped for, but it's what she can fit in while watching Anna, and occasionally still Jake and Greg. I am a pediatrician, kind of ironic, I see children all day, but my own daughter for one measly hour every week day.

~

During my lunch break, I called home. Liz picked up. "Evans residence, Liz speaking."

"Hey Lizzy. It's me." I sighed, and smiled. Liz and her routine.

"Hi Max. How's your day going?" I could hear papers shuffle, and I knew she was leaving her office.

"Fine, fine. Mostly checkups so far. I wanted to talk to Anna if she's not napping or anything."

"Sure, lemme get her." I heard the static of a covered mouthpiece. "Anna! Come here, daddy wants to talk to you." I could hear Liz say, though muted.

"No!" A childish voice said, then I could make out the sound of pattering footsteps running away.

"I'm sorry," Liz came back on the line. "She's having another fit."

I sighed again. "It's alright. Just tell her I love her. I love you too, hon. See you later, around six tonight."

"Alright," she kissed the phone, said goodbye and hung up.

~

My Anna, all skinny arms and legs, thick hair continuously being brushed out of her eyes, too busy for dresses. Taking every joke with an eyeroll and "oh, daddy."

But she cares. The day her kittie Edwardo got sick, and she tried to heal him with her powers, she really meant to save him. It wasn't her fault she couldn't control it, and ended up killing him instead. She cried long and hard for her friend, giving him a funeral in our yard, near the garden Liz insists on keeping.

Even then she positively radiated sunshine, she would sit on my lap, and snuggle up close and the next thing I knew she'd be asleep.

I knew then that I couldn't protect her from everything that would hurt her as much and I would have liked to.

~

I locked the door behind me at 6:04 in the evening. "I'm home." I called, and header to the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.

"We're eating honey." Liz called from back to me.

"Meatloaf!" Anna sang in a falsetto voice that made me chuckle softly. I shorts and a t-shirt, I entered the dining room, and sat down across from Liz, next to Anna. There was food on my plate already waiting for me, and I ate while talking about my day. Liz was interested in the medicine of my work, but I told Anna about the children, and the jokes and stories I told to make them feel better.

"Did you do the bird whistle?" she wrinkled her nose in a smile.

I leaned in to her ear and whistled like a loon.

Anna giggled, then turned to her mother. "I'm ready to get down, mommy."

"Alright."

~

Liz wrapped her arms around my waist from where I stood in Annabella's doorway. She was wrapped up in her covers, and surrounded but stuffer bears. I approached her, Liz trailing behind, and brushed back her hair to kiss her forehead.

"Goodnight, Anna. You are never alone." I whispered to her. I knew that always, I would be singing Annabella's song.

~

The End
8-3-2000