past perfect

a year in a lie
the past means nothing to you
not even love
can melt your cruel heart
there's a scream rising
from the pit of my stomach
each time i see you parading
around with someone new

I'm not spying
This isn't spying
I used to exist in this space
along with he
I own the walls
and
he
owns
me

Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Alex
you've been asleep for a long time now
and for some reason
I can't reach you on the dream plane
Even thought I can't read your dreams
I always join you in slumber
then I dream you're here with me
no longer sleeping
you tell me you love me
and I can love you back
without having to worry what will happen when I wake
because you'll still be sleeping.
My dreams are light and airy
together we float
through starry skies
watching the sun rise and the birds sing
to greet it.
I can only see you in my dreams
you won't wake up
they tell me you won't ever wake up
(but I don't believe them)
so wherever you are
I hope you are dreaming of me too.
I'll wait here outside your door
I'll wait for you, Alex.
You are just a dream away,
waiting for me.
I hope you dream of me.

Silence

Why did he have to die?
Silence.
The distant noise of talking
like the TV turned down low.
He never did anything wrong!
Well, except for gambling in
Las Vegas
but we all did that.
Do we deserve to die too?
Or is this the punishment for our sins?

Or is that not it at all?
Is someone up there laughing,
that we care
(for something so petty as death)
when there are so many
other things
to worry about.

There's never any answer
the grief counselor
just nods, and jots in her notebook
my father
absent as usual
trying to get me not to feel
when feel is all I -can- do.

And there is always
only
silence
in return for my tears.

Blue

Tears fall like a steady rain
mingling with the rain that falls from above
trickling down her contorted face
and down her body.
Beating her down to the ceramic floor the cold
seeping into her veins
as she sobs
mourning a life
mourning her life, the life she thinks she wants
but can never have now
she knows its true
even now as she sinks
deeper into her ocean, the waves lapping
against her bare skin
bare because its how she entered the world
and its how she wants to leave it
she doesn’t think about if anyone will miss her
because she knows they won’t
and the undertow yanks her down
ripping away her breath
and in a panic she cries out that she can’t swim
but no one’s there to hear the garbled cry.
that’s how she’s planned it
and the lights fade
and the blue sinks in.