Betrayer of Love

The fires burn high around me
The crowd cheers at the sight
They have longed for this
For my death
For over three years now
Ever since I assassinated their king
I was named betrayer
I destroyed a way of life
I killed my lover
In truth I have longed for death too
Pictured it a thousand times a night
But none were what I deserved
Even this is too good for me
I deserve worse
Confused,
My imaginary audience?
I am
And I know the entire tale
Will you hear my tale,
Judges I have imagined?
Take it, hold it, keep it
Let one know the truth
Let it be known that what I did
I did for love
Not for money or fame
For love
I met Dain many moons ago
We were young
And foolish
And in love
I knew not he was the heir
He knew not who I was
Had we know our titles
We never would have spoken
Never would have meet
But we were both being carefree
Dodging our pasts
And our futures
We succeed far to well
We ran from ourselves for three weeks
Laughing and running
Not caring what the other was running from
As long as we could be together
We had both fallen hard
Love was ours
We had loved from the moment we meet
In those three weeks
We vowed undying love
Swore to fight to remain together
We plotted to leave the kingdom
To be free of our mysterious pasts
It would not have mattered if one was a killer
We loved and wanted to be free to do it
We were so close
The royal guard caught us at the border
Thought we were smugglers
We were given a speedy trip back to the city
I feared for our lives
The guards were cruel
They enjoyed their work far too much
Dain laughed at my fears
Confident almost arrogant
His manner had changed
They beat him frequently
Then they broke his arm
He got angry
Curses thundered out
Vows of vengeance made
The guards laughed and taunted
They threw us before a city judge
He with a broken arm
Me, my pains I linger not on
Even looking back it hurts me
The judge froze at the sight of Dain
He knew…
The past Dain hid
you don’t beat up the heir
Or lay a hand on his love
The tale told was changed
A marriage was included
His wife I became
I was trapped
I loved Dain
I hated the heir
I battled internally
Waiting for him my past to know
But he never asked
Never cared
I loved him more for it
I kept my past away
Purposely distanced who I was
And who I had been
I was content to love
Then it all changed
The king was dead
Dain went to replace him
Long live my king
He had made me queen
Every girl’s dream
But all was not well
The crown changed my love
Made him the heir I had hated
Only now he was king
And my Dain
My past caught up with me then
They warned me to control him
For my sake they had been quiet
But if this continued…
Dain was cracking down
He wanted control
He wanted the world
And he wanted to share it with me
I spent hours searching for why
Why he had changed
Why all the kings had changed
Perhaps it was the power
He kept the people loyal
How I never knew
Perhaps it was because he was king
He claimed it was for protection
Or it could have been the destiny he preached
I hated his actions
The random jailings
The killings
The war
But I still loved him
We fought constantly
And always made up before bed
He kept trying to make me see
His vision his world
The gift he wanted to give me
I loved him always
I never stopped
But my past is a powerful thing
Filled with powerful people
And they came to me
They wanted me to control him
They wanted me to save them
To save to people who loved their killer
They left me with a reminder of my duty
Of the life I had left behind
Of what I had lived for
I loved Dain
But I believe in justice
Assassins attempted to kill him
There were seven or eight
They never even got close
He stopped listening one day
He felt the need to protect me
To shield me from the world
I was no longer his partner
His queen
His lover
I was his
From my bower cell
I heard the dying screams
Of the people
Of freedom
I knew then what I must do
My love for him was strong as ever
As I walked into his arms
Gave him as kiss
And slid the knife between his ribs
He didn’t even feel it
He died in my arms
Knowing that I betrayed him
That I took his life
He was still warm
When I laid him on the floor
I walked out of that room
Bloody knife in my hand
Ready to pay for my crime
The Gods laughed at me that day
As they handed out my punishment
I was grabbed by my past
Pulled back down into it
They wouldn’t let me go near the guards
They took me back to the world
The one I tried so hard to escape
I was a hero to them
All of our people rejoiced
My love was dead at my hand
And they cheered me for it
I wept no tears for them to see
I tried to fit back in
I tried to…
But I couldn’t
So I acted
It was close enough
I helped the people
The ones my love had hurt
I paid in full for his sins
I saw what he had done
Things I hadn’t even imagined
Dain’s brother took the throne
He was worse than my love
But the people loved him too
It was too much for me
The monarchy had to end
But the people love their killers
And we were alone
Traitors we were called
We were raised to oppose the monarchy
I had broken the rules
I had fallen for one
The God of Irony is my patron
But I prefer the Goddess of War
Neither marched with me though
The night I went to end it
The king and guards stood imperiously
When I arrived
They were broken and dead
When I left
I wept inside for my in-laws
I had loved them too
But I loved the People
I loved the Land
I walked away into the night
Blood on my hands
The blood of my second family
None of it was mine
It seemed I could not die
So I resigned myself to life
A life I hated
A life I made
A life I would repeat
No choice would I change
I was a Betrayer
One that had to exist
Or so I delude myself
I regret most of my actions
But I would not change them
They allowed me my love
Gave me something no one can take
And they have lead me here
Into the flames built on rubble
The rubble of my home
Death calls to me with Dain’s voice
The flames themselves feel like his caresses
I love him
I did what I had to do
But I will always love him